The Art of the Holiday Dinner Party

The Idea of Entertaining at Home can be Daunting. Here are Some Tips to Take the Edge Off

By Nino Pernetti

What makes it so hard to commit to having friends over to the house for a proper dinner party? Time, hassle, pressure? Actually, I understand. I run a busy restaurant and have two active daughters. Sometimes you just have to set a date and start inviting people. Pride, or more accurately fear of embarrassment, will take care of the rest. Luckily, the holiday season is here and with it, the perfect reason for throwing a proper dinner party.

Over the years, I’ve helped friends host dinner parties and I’ve attended a few myself. The key to success is preparation and attention to detail. The whole process can be easier than it sounds, if you follow a few simple rules of thumb.

Who to Invite?

This is going to make or break your party. You should cap the guest list at 12 people for a sit-down dinner party. That means five couples plus two hosts. Any more than that and you won’t be able to really connect with your guests, and that is the whole point of the affair. This may sound trite but try to invite people with outgoing personalities.

It will give a significant boost to the energy level. A room full of introverts can make for an evening of awkward silences. Take your quiet friends to a restaurant instead.

How to Invite?

I recommend calling first to check availability. Once you’ve pinned down a date, and I can hear the groaning now, send a handwritten invitation. It’s a simple gesture that sets the tone for the evening. Prepackaged paper invitations are okay, as long as you include a short personal note on each. Don’t forget to include the required attire, so that men don’t show up in jeans and a golf shirt. Don’t be afraid to expect your guests to dress up. I’ve been to black tie dinners in people’s homes.

Where to Sit?

Do you think musicians in a symphony orchestra sit wherever they want? Of course not. No different for your holiday dinner party. You know the personalities of the people attending so give some thought to where you place everyone. And by all means separate couples to prevent six semiprivate conversations. Little cards with each guest’s name nicely written on it will do the trick. Also, don’t forget to say a few words after everyone is seated. Talk about what the holidays mean and how grateful you are to celebrate with the lovely people seated around the table. I also recommend thinking of a few safe topics for discussion. If you find someone is not contributing to the conversation, ask them an open-ended question.

Remember, you are the conductor for the evening. It’s up to you to keep the conversation interesting and fun.

What to Serve?

Cocktail hour is a must. It allows your guests to introduce themselves, mingle and converse. The living room or an outside patio make the perfect backdrop. Have some seating in case someone prefers to sit and chat, but it’s not necessary to have seating available for everyone. I also suggest offering limited drink options. Maybe three beverages, including champagne or Prosecco, a batched cocktail like a holiday version of a Negroni, and maybe vodka or scotch. Don’t feel the need to have every possible cocktail on hand. A few high-quality options will still impress. And save the wine for dinner.

As for the menu, you don’t need to serve traditional holiday fare. In fact, assuming you may be hosting guests of different religious persuasions, be thoughtful about what you serve. I suggest that you draw the line at dietary restrictions. As host, you can’t be expected to prepare individual dishes to order. It’s up to the vegetarians to eat around the meat dishes and the hypertensives to go easy on the salty dishes! I recommend serving four or five courses for a festive holiday meal. Be sure that each dish is sized appropriately, so that you don’t have guests pushing back from the table after the third course.

Pair each course with a wine. If that seems like too intimidating a task, ask for help from one of your wine-savvy friends, download a pairing app, or do a little online research. Better yet, bring a copy of your menu to a wine shop like Wolfe’s Wine Shoppe on Miracle Mile. They are extremely knowledgeable and friendly.

I usually recommend having your food prepared by someone else. A good caterer is worth their weight in gold. Two servers and one kitchen person is what you want, so you may entertain your guests with your full attention. If you insist on cooking, prepare as much as can ahead of time, so that your kitchen responsibilities are limited to warming and garnishing. Otherwise you’re not really part of the party.

How to Achieve Next Level Status?

I once attended a dinner party at a friend’s house. Much to the guests’ surprise a local choir sang Christmas carols during cocktail hour. Talk about putting people in the holiday spirit! My friend later shared that the choir cost about $500, a worthwhile investment, to create that special moment.

Another great touch, if you have a piano, is having a pianist play during cocktail hour. Have them play a few holiday songs along with a set of upbeat jazz standards. At the very least, create a playlist from your music library to capture the mood. At the conclusion of the evening, give each couple a small token of your gratitude, perhaps a scented candle or some other small gift. It’s a great reminder of the warmth and hospitality they experienced in your home.

Nino Pernetti is the owner/founder of Caffe Abbracci on Aragon Avenue